unbelief.

after a fabulous spring break of support raising, i received ZERO support on monday. not a single penny, dollar, check...NADA. the test of my faith that this put me under is nearly impossible for me to put into words.

however, talking to my lovely roommate suzanne, i realized that i received enough support over spring break to cover my next deposit due in a few weeks. i can literally go over a month without needing another penny (y'all don't get any ideas por favor). God's provision is awesome.

it's also a stretch of faith that i've received many (roughly 15) replies of promised support, but i don' t actually have that money in my hand. it's another simple way that God is whispering "I'm in control" to know that it's out there, but not in my hand--aka, in my control.

and then, because God is awesome, yesterday happened.
i checked the mailbox after classes and had $100 worth of support in there.
i went out to a fabulous dinner with my family and came back to find two envelopes sitting on my desk that weren't there before. in them was $160 worth of anonymous support.

i don't know who you are, but you answered prayers. i thank you from the bottom of heart. since you've decided to keep your identity a secret, i have no way to throw my arms around you and thank you in person, so i hope this will be sufficient. you are truly answering my prayers and showing me that ALL THINGS REALLY ARE POSSIBLY IN CHRIST. thank you. thank you. thank you.

and then if that wasn't enough, my baby girls showed up for bible study and dropped off $100 worth of support between them.

and then because God is awesome i thought of about twelve more names and sent those envelopes off today. and then i thought of two more today when i got on campus.

in this journey i don't always understand. in this journey, i'm often walking blind and truly relying on complete surrendering and faith to get me through this. i'll be honest, i don't completely believe in this project with my flesh. my soul knows this is where i'm supposed to be going and serving, but the rest of me is still doubting very much and really freaking out. i can give a thousand reasons why i shouldn't be doing this...but God's answer is always, "You have to love ME more."

thanks to all of you for believing in this ministry even at times i don't.
thanks to all of you for some reason believing that i can be effective for Christ.
thanks to all of you for listening to Jesus when He says "pray. give. go."
thank you for providing a way for me to serve Him where He calls me.