Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
Current Mood for Online Dating: A little bit disgusted.
Interactions with Online Dating: I have had more propositions to get into a guy's bed this weekend than I ever had in my entire life. The really sad thing is that I don't even know most of these guys' names.
They would send a "hey" email and per the rules of this experience, I would send one back, despite the "this guy is weird and creepy, avert your eyes" vibe that I was getting from his profile.
His next message would be, "How you doin? U so fine. U wanna hook up tonight?" Or something even more explicit that I won't haunt your dreams with. One of us is more than enough.
It's creepy guys like this that give online dating the reputation that it currently has.
The worst proposition that I've received was from a seemingly nice guy named Carter, as we shall call him. His profile was completely blank -- this is either an orange flag, or he's new to online dating -- but his first message was intelligent, and I respond to all emails, so I sent one back.
We sent back a few bantering emails back and forth. By about his tenth email, he told me I had a beautiful smile and said that we probably shouldn't keep chatting. I, being completely confused and caught off-guard, asked why. His next email apologized, stating that the previous email was meant for someone else. We continued to chat and eventually he messaged me his number. I waited an hour (can't seem too anxious, right?) and texted him.
The banter continued via text message. He mentioned that he didn't live in Raleigh, but about half an hour outside of it, but because of a work thing, he was going to be in Downtown Raleigh tonight. He asked if I wanted to meet him for a drink after his work thing.
I pondered, and figured, "Hey, why not? Might as well figure it out early if I like him or not."
I said I would meet him and told me which establishment he wanted to meet, and asked him the time.
A few minutes later, my phone beeped.
"Meet me in the lobby of the Renaissance Hotel at North Hills at 9:00 p.m. If you can earn your keep upstairs, I'll take you out for dinner later."
After a few "you're joking, right?" text messages, he revealed that he didn't think I was a "one night stand" kind of girl, and was trying to cut off communication with the email he claimed was for another girl. When I call his hand on the abrupt email, he figured he might as well give me a shot to see my reaction.
I have since called Sprint and had his number blocked.
This is typically where I would start giving advice for the gentlemen. All of the advice that I would like to give at the moment would probably end some friendships.
Recent Interactions in Real Life: My mom's side of the family got together on Sunday to celebrate my Granny and my Uncle Barry's birthdays. It was also my sister Chloe's birthday, but she is with the NCSU Marching Band in Virginia being awesome. We feasted, as we do at all family gatherings, and I got to cuddle with my sweet nieces and play outside. Family time is the best time :)
Friday, October 25, 2013
It's the last week of the quarter which means that us teachers have been swamped with make-up work from students who didn't care until the last minute. My team teachers and I have also had at least one meeting of some sort every day this week. This stressful week has led me to this reaction:
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
We started this thing we called "The Hot Seat" early on in our travels. One of us would sit on our little yellow loveseat and would have to answer any question that one of our teammates threw at us.
I, personally, loved it. I love talking about myself (shocker!) and I love to be the center of attention; The Hot Seat was right up my alley.
Dating is mighty close to The Hot Seat. This person keeps looking at you (assuming they have decent interpersonal communicational skills) and they are asking you all these questions.
The problem is, a lot of people seem lost on appropriate first-date conversation topics.
Never fear. eHarmony is here!
eHarmony (which is not the dating site on that I'm on) has posted the fifteen best questions to ask on a date to get to know the other person (Don't believe, go here).
1. Who has been the biggest influence in your life?
2. What kinds of things really make you laugh?
3. What's your favorite place in the entire world?
4. Who is your best friend? What do you like about him/her?
5. Favorite movie of all time? Why so?
6. What's your biggest goal in life right now?
7. What is your favorite way to spend a Saturday?
8. Do you have any pet peeves?
9. What was your family like growing up?
10. What were you like as a kid?
11. What should I know about you that I'd never think to ask about?
12. Did you -- or do you -- have a nickname? What is it and what's the story behind it?
13. Who was your favorite schoolteacher or college professor? Why?
14. Have you figured out your calling in life? What is it?
15. What do you hate most about the dating process? (Tell me so that I may avoid it!)
As you're all pondering over these, I figured I might would take a stab at them. The online process is currently slow and nothing to waste your time over. Now, as the eHarmony advice states, one must peel back the layers and not stab the onion, so I'm only going to do #1 today. We'll save the rest for a rainy day.
1. Who has been the biggest influence in your life?
The "who" in this question is not singular, but plural. I would have to save that my family as a unit has been the biggest influence on me. When I was growing up, I didn't think much of the blessing that is my family -- many of my friends had siblings they were close to and a good number of my friends also had nearby aunts and uncles. Whenever I heard from a friend that they only saw their cousin at Christmas, it would shock me: that's not how families work! Families should be all up in each other's business. The kids should be playing outside while the adults are gossiping and catching up on the screened-in porch.
I didn't realize how much of a fairyland I was growing up in.
The closeness of my family hardwired me to be a part of unit. I consequently think in "we" instead of "I". This has enabled me to work well with many close friendships and even be able to maintain friendships across state lines. Because of the constant interaction of people, I feel that I can handle a myriad of personalities; I'm probably related to an identical one like any new one that I come across. I know that I am never alone and I know that someone always has my back, and somewhere, even if I have to shuffle past a family member or two, I can find support and a shoulder to lean on.
I took the closeness of my family for granted for years. Now that we're older and we're starting to scatter a bit (the cousins in particular), I look forward to holidays even more for a higher chance of us all being in the same room. My soul feels depleted when I haven't seen my cousins in a while.
My family, all of us, immediate and distant, has shaped the person I am today.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Here is my philosophy on dating: There is no such thing as going on too many dates.
When my siblings and I were growing up, my parents demanded that we had a summer job every year from the time we turned fifteen. It gave us purpose, helped us learned financial responsibility, and we were never bored in the summertime. While we were going through the application/interview process, they told us often that there was no such thing as too many interviews. Interview experience is great! Many interviews ask the same questions, and the more you go through, the easier it becomes to answer the questions asked of you. By the time we started looking for Big Kid jobs, I knew exactly what I was getting myself into.
Dating is kind of like this. As you go on more dates, you figure out which anecdote to tell and what keeps your audience captivated. You learn which foods are okay to order (spaghetti is a no!) and how to expertly check your teeth for residue while still sitting at the table using the pocket mirror you stashed in your purse so you never have to leave the table.
You also begin to learn how to phrase certain questions and the answers that you expect from your date. Just a heads up, I found that the question, “Tell me about your religious beliefs,” should never be answered with, “Jesus is a great guy.” That’s an orange flag if I ever saw one.
Good dates lead to second dates.
Bad dates lead to great stories for friends later.
I’ve been asked on a few dates recently. I’m still deciding if I want to say yes or not. None of these guys really strike me with the potential of something long-term. However, a few of them may be worth a shot just to tune up my dating skills. Either way, I’ll let you know what happens!
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Mood: Surprised. Is that a good word? It’s the word I’m going to go with.
Online Interaction of the Day: I deeply offended a 21-year-old. Let me tell you about it.
I don’t even know his real name to make a fake name for him, so I’m going to call him The 21-Year-Old.
The 21-Year-Old messaged me. His message was simple: you’re pretty and I would like to get to know you.
What struck me as really funny was that he sent me a message at 11:30 a.m.and said that I was probably still asleep. I don’t know about you guys, but I can’t sleep past 9:00 a.m. I’m usually up by8:00 a.m. and it really depresses me. The fact that he thought that 11:30 a.m.was still time to be sleeping was a bigger red flag than his age.
As I have promised myself that I would reply to every message, I thanked him for the compliment and explained that I couldn’t sleep in.
His reply back: “Yeah, I know how you feel. Your schedule is not so different from mine. In fact, it’s quite similar. I generally work 9-5 on the weekdays and I’m off on the weekends.”
Even now, typing this, I’m feeling some grumpiness creeping up in my heart. I’m going to apologize in advance if the next paragraph savors of bitterness.
No, 9-5 is not my schedule. 6:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. is my schedule five days a week. I’m typically in bed by 9:00 p.m.so that I can wake up by 5:00 a.m. and be ready to take on the kiddos for another day. I’ve only had a handful of “weekends off” the in last few years (excluding summer time) because teachers bring home their work because there simply aren’t enough hours in the day. If you’re a teacher, you understand the bitterness. If you’re not, I beg you to never compare your life to that of a teacher’s. You will probably lose a friend.
Also, dear, if you have to try to convince someone that you’re in the same stage of life as they are, then you’re really not.
Okay. Rant over. I’m going to try to allow the grumpiness to seep out of my heart now.
A little fact about me: I’m a romantic. I love the candlelight and the moonlight and walks through the gardens and whatever else romance novelist can spin on a girl. I’m all about it. However, I believe as Elizabeth Bennett in Pride and Prejudice does: “Of a fine stout love, [poetry may be the food]. But if it is only a vague inclination I’m convinced one poor sonnet will kill it stone dead.” Well, friends, I only had but a vague inclination and his poor sonnet killed even that stone dead.
The 21-Year-Old tried to feed me some line about “my eyes sparkling in the moonlight” and how they’re “protruding my beauty for all to see.” Bless his heart, he couldn’t have known this, but the word “protruding” really freaks me out. However, these words would have made me happy if I had been attracted to him at all and if I didn’t think this was a play to get on my good side because of my “English teacher” status.
I wrote back to him that I appreciate his poetry, but it just wasn’t working for me. I told him that the world protruding freaks me out (I literally shudder every time I write it here) and that since none of my pictures were taken at night that I had a really hard time believing him about the whole moonlight thing.
His response: You may be a teacher, but you need a lesson on romance. My words were meant as a compliment, not for you to critique them.
My response: No offense, dear.
His response: I’m not one of your students; so please don’t try and give me a lecture. And it wasnt a poem . It was like 2 sentences. I can write poetry. I don’t need you to tell me how
No, dear, you don’t, but apparently you do need me to teach you how to use a semi-colon.
In my return email, I told him that no, he wasn’t one of my students, and I apologize if he felt treated like such, though I do have students older than him. I thanked him for his kindness and wished him a good day.
Reflection: Does this interlude make me sound snarky? Probably. There’s a whole lot of adjectives that it probably makes me sound. This guy was doomed from the very beginning: younger than me, a kiss up with the whole poetry thing, shorter than me. Baby couldn’t win.
I’m tired of not having a winner. It makes me sigh.
On Friday, I get to tell you about the 18-year-old who messaged me. I know you’re excited.
Monday, October 14, 2013
01. I am not a fan of matte finish nail polish. Nail polish is supposed to be shiny and sparkly and girly. Matte finish goes against everything womanhood stands for.
02. Mr. Sparkly Blue Eyes, or "Aaron" as you would know him, has stopped texting me. No idea why. One minute he was asking me about my weekend plans, and the next he won't tell me how his meeting went, or respond to my "Happy Wednesday!" text. No idea what happened.
03. Unsolicited Advice for the Gentlemen: Man up. Man the junk up. If you find a flaw in a girl that will become the fatal flaw of the relationship, tell her you're no longer interested. If you met someone else or you can't stand how the girl laughs, that's fine. It's life. It happens. Not texting back is the cowardly thing to do. Man the GodBlessAmerica up and say, "Hey, no offense, but I'm not feeling it." Depending on how long you've been together, she'll probably have some questions. If you've been together a while, she might cry. If you've only been going out a week and she cries, be honest with her and then run as fast as you can. Don't be a coward.
04. I have no idea why I'm writing a zero before my numbers. When I was a sophomore in high school I saw a senior, whom I adored and admired, do it, and I liked it because she did it, so I've done it ever since. It's not my thing, but when I'm feeling fancy, the zero shows up.
05. My Wolfpack lost their football game on Saturday. I was forced to sit next to a Syracuse fan. By the grace and power of Jesus, both he and I walked out of the stadium unscathed physically. Oh my heavens, do I love football!
06. I offended a 21-year-old this weekend on the dating site. I'll share that on Wednesday's post :)
07. The dating site that I'm on has a smartphone app, which is mainly how I'm communicating with the guys. One of the functions of the app is that I can go through a match search and be given the pictures and short blurb about each guy and say if I like them or want to meet them or not. I was swiping through the list this weekend and apparently I rejected too many guys because the dating site sent me a message. "We know swiping is fun and all, but how about choosing a guy. Or just lowering your standards." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the fact that my dating site was telling me to rethink my standards for the guys I date. Also, I keep clicking on this one profile when I'm Match Searching, only to realize that I've looked at him before and there's no way that we could work out based on the info from his profile. I've come to the conclusion that I'm more attracted to his really cute puppy that's in the profile with him than I am to the guy himself. Does the SPCA have an app for me to browse cute puppies I could love?
08. I know the people around me are sick of me saying this, but there is nothing truer in my life at the moment: I am unendingly thankful for my job and my new school. A friend was asking me about it this past weekend and my response was, "It's truly a moment when you realize that all of the prayers that you never got around to putting into prayer form have been answered in addition to the ones that you did pray." That's how I feel every single day.
09. I have had the opportunity to see/chat with a few of my former students in the past week. Once I have a student, they're always my kid. Catching up with my babies always makes my heart so full of happiness.
10. I am in need of a good book to read. I'm not sure what I'm in the mood for, but if you have any suggestions, I'll take them! One request, though: No series. I don't have time to immerse myself into another world right now. Other than that, I would love to know what you're reading!
Peace and blessings, peeps!
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Friday, October 4, 2013
I’ll tell you this: I’m the first of my friends to hand out my number in a bar or at a restaurant, but to some guy who I only know because of a few short emails and a two-hundred word profile…oh, goodness.
I’ve had a few sketchy guys ask. They were rejected.
But this guy. I gave this one my number. We were “matched” on the dating site and apparently we were checking each other out at the same time. We both sent each other a “great smile!” email. As I was perusing his profile, a few things struck me. He’s educated, he’s intelligent, he’s already got one Master’s and is looking forward to obtaining his second one. His profile has ZERO grammar errors on it. His “important things in my life” section of his profile list Jesus and his family.
Real-life interaction: Every other Thursday night, us teachers have an established routine to head to the local Mexican restaurant at 5:30. We gorge ourselves on queso and chips and we laugh until we cry. Last night was glorious. I felt like I was in college a little bit: my best friends all sitting around the same table, knowing that I would get to see them again tomorrow; our lives revolving around each other a little bit. I’m a happy girl.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Mood About Online Dating: Indifferent, giddy at moments.
Online interaction of the day:
Two "hey" emails from guys that I probably wouldn't give a second glance to in real life. However, per the rules of this project, I sent them each a "hey" back.
I signed up for the online dating site a week ago so that I could go ahead and set up my profile and start to get the feel of the site before this whole thing became a thing. Almost immediately, I got an email from a guy. It does a girl's ego good, I can't even lie. He introduced himself and asked if I would like to get to know him better. Turns out, that wasn't a question to which he wanted a genuine answer.
His two greatest flaws: he's two years younger than I am and he lives in South Carolina.
The reason these are problems: I don't date younger guys. I've dated a guy who was three months younger than me and I've dated a guy a year younger than me. Both of these ended disastrously. My biggest problem with dating younger guys is that most of them are not in the same stage of life that I am: career, house, etc.
His profile alerted me that he was still a student (hence the stage of life thing) and that according to the interests that were important enough to put on his profile, we would have nothing to talk about.
I returned his email thanking him for the compliment that he had given me -- nice smile, or something equally as generic -- and told him to have a good day. Clearly, this was a brush-off.
Homeslice didn't get it.
He sent back another email asking more specific questions about my job and my hobbies.
I replied that while I was flattered, he should know that I didn't date younger guys or do long-distance relationships. Again, I bid him a lovely afternoon.
My email soon alerted me to a new message: "Oh, c'mon, give me a chance. I could surprise you!"
My thoughts: Sweetheart, it's nothing against you. I could possibly look over the age difference for a coffee date if you didn't live across a state line. I repeated this sentiment in an email back to him.
My phone beeped once again, displaying his username and picture.
"Wow. Definitely narrow minded so you have a great day to"
Don't even get me started on the grammar errors in that sentence.
Unsolicited Advice for the Gents: When a girl says she's done, she means it. Girls don't take break-ups lightly. We've all been through a few that left some marks and we don't take the possibility of a broken heart as a joke. Attempting to "win her back" will only work one out of every twenty times. So feel free to try it. Once. After that, keep your dignity and move on.
Real-Life Interactions for the Day: A typical day at school. Some kids were good, some kids weren't. However, I grow more and more thankful for my new school every day.
See y'all Friday!