90 DoOD: The 18-Year-Old

Strap on your seatbelts, children, I'm hopping on my soapbox.

An 18-year-old messaged me the other day. I was mortified. Absolutely mortified. 

I was mortified because I felt like a cradle robber and I was sure that at any moment the FBI was going to come knocking on my door and accuse me of awful things.

Once I calmed my imagination down, I was mortified for another reason: This guy is eighteen.

I don't know if he was in high school or college (it's crazy to think that I have students older than this kid). I don't know if he was lying about his age -- from the looks of him he could easily be younger. I don't know why he messaged me or what got into him. But I do know that my heart broke for him.

My heart was broken because I truly felt that because a guy at such a perfect age was attempting to meet women online, then it was for one of two reasons. The first, he was just looking for a piece and thought this would be an easy way to get it. The second, he has either no self-confidence in getting a girl or no man in his life to show him how. I'm not sure which makes me hurt worse.

The two emails that we exchanged brought me nothing but heartache. My heart aches for his generation (I know that I could easily be lumped into his generation, but not today) in general. The more time I spend with my students, former and present, and the more I hear stories of what is coming out of these kids, my heart breaks more. I'm not sure who to be more upset with: my generation/the generation above us for slapping these children for their decisions, or that generation for their own stupidity.

Either way, I'm upset at the world and my heart is hurting.

If you're younger than me, this post is for you.

To the 18-year-olds of the world. To the younger than 18-year-olds of the world. To my kids. To whoever might be reading this:

Make better choices.

No, really, I don't care what choices you're making right now. More than likely, there's better ones that you could be making. 

Go read a book. Truth be told, I don't care what kind of book, but preferably one without pictures. Go play outside. Grab a friend a find a park and swing on a swing for an hour. 

Whatever you do, get off your tookis. 

Child, the decisions you make in this moment will last you forever. I know that sounds dramatic, but I swear to you it's true. An underage drinking ticket sounds like a great story to tell when you're 40, but how do you plan to tell that story in the interview with your potential employer?

Oh, you plan to make it in the music industry and hit it big?

Yeah, I feel you. I was going to be an actress. I was going to light up the movie screen and people were going to love me. They weren't going to think that I laughed too loudly, they were going to think it's endearing. I was going to star next to some really smokin' hot guys and we were going to have illicit affairs during our taping (nothing too scandalous of course, a girl does have morals). Then I decided to be a writer. A writer who lived in Spain and drank cappacinos at an outdoor cafe while she wrote. 

Alas, I became a teacher. And you know what? I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

You wanna know what else? If even a single compromising picture of me popped up on the internet, I could lose my job forever. No questions asked, no explanations wanted. 

These selfies that you think are funny with just you in a sports bra in the bathtub? They're not sexy. They're pornography. Soft core, yes, but pornography nonetheless. And although you'll get some wrinkles (tiny ones, but they're still there) before you're 25 and you'll probably dye your hair a few times, you're still gonna look like you.

You think that SnapChat is only being seen by one person? Don't be naive.

You think your Instagram is locked and only people you allow to see it can? Don't be stupid.

You think that nasty text message to the girl you really can't stand will go away with a click of a button? I refuse to even dignify that with a response.

When I was eighteen I was nursing a broken heart given to me by a guy whom I wouldn't currently touch with a ten-foot pole. You think you're in love? It gets better. I swear it. The heartbreaks get worse, too, but, oh, does love evolve as you get older. Don't sell yourself short.

Here's what I'm learned in my six years since then, dear 18-year-olds: life goes on, and it gets a hell of a lot better. 

Heartbreaks happen. Let it feel like the end of the world for a few days. It's okay. But then get up, go to Ulta, and get yourself some smacking good lipstick to show that guy what he lost.

An education is irreplacable. Wars have been fought over whether or not someone can be educated. You get it for free. Don't take that for granted.

The body you're in is the only body you're gonna get. Take good care of it. French fries and ice cream are simple ways that God shows us He loves us, but He takes care of us with asparagus and green grapes. Floss at least once a week, stretch at least three times a week, and make sure you can run a mile in under 13 minutes (and that's the time for uphill).

Travel the whole world. See as much of it as you can. Live off of your parents as long as you can or until you're 25. While you're living off your parents, get a part-time job and save every single penny. Always buy a used car and never give yourself a car payment.

Your first credit card should be in your wallet at 20 and you should pay off the entire bill every month. "Lowest amount due" is for lazies and losers. Lazies and losers end up in debt and very, very sad.

Go to college and meet every single person on that campus. There's no such thing as knowing too many people. Feel free to meet a special someone, but make sure you find a couple of life-long friends, too. Marriage at 22 isn't guaranteed (and I can attest that being single at 24 is basically awesome) and eventually you'll have a diploma and people will expect you to provide for yourself; you better have a way to do it. And life is always better with people by your side.

Never accept charity, but feel free to allow someone to take you out to dinner every now and again.

Don't complain about money troubles. We all have them and we don't want to be reminded of them. Take your frugal month as a lesson and remember to keep a hefty bank account. 

Do something you swore you would never do like move to the Middle East for the summer. You'll never regret it and it's a great conversation starter at the weird office parties you're forced to go to when you grow up.

Get off the internet, kiddos. Do something! Do something big. If I had started doing all the things that I want to do in my life when I was 18, I think I would be close to done by now.

Get off the internet for your entertainment. Put down the video game. Get the earbuds out of your ears and sit down with a random person at a coffee shop and start a conversation. Walk up to someone who is wayyy out of your league and give them your number. Learn to flirt and to dress for your body type. When you dress for your body type, make sure you cover your boobs, pull up your pants, and never ever wear leggings as pants. Whilst in the company of the opposite sex, keep all clothing on your person until you're married. You won't regret it. You'll only regret the opposite.

Gentlemen, find a woman. Women are tough as nails and as feminine as lace. They're complicated and will make you crazy, but they're worth it. When you've got one that makes you smile and wants to learn to cook your favorite food and gives you a little bit of a feeling like you've done something sneaky and haven't gotten caught for it yet, keep her.

Ladies, wait for a gentlemen. If he's not everything you've ever prayed for, he's not the one for you. If you can keep eye contact for more than three seconds without going numb all over your body, there's better waiting. Keep your hair and your teeth brushed and make sure your shoes match. Learn to tell a joke and do a decent hair flip. 

Whoever you are, learn to write a check and how to check your oil. Be proficient at cleaning a house and making spaghetti. Learn to bite your tongue and how to sincerely apologize. Learn that apologies are better served with actions and not just words.

Think positive thoughts and say only kind words. Positivity is remembered and cherished. Never speak ill of a coworker and certainly never put anything on social media when you're upset. Call your mama at least once every three days and go home for the holidays. 

Learn to dream. Then figure out how to make those dreams a reality.

Above all, love yourself. There's only one you. Think you don't matter? Remember this: you're the reason that your teacher gets out of the bed in the morning. Hug her when you get to school, she probably needs it. ;)