Mood: I don't know the word for this, so I'll just have to describe it. I am definitely feeling like this is an experiment right now. I'm not "blah" but I'm just not as "into it" as I thought I would be. I need a cute boy to message me to lift up my spirits ;-)
Online Interaction of the Day: Let's talk about Stephen. Stephen is Guy #2 that I allude to in Wednesday's post. Stephen and I first started chatting earlier this year when I did my first run at online dating. He seemed sweet but he was living in Virginia and, simply put, I don't do long-distance relationships.
At the beginning of the year, the first time we chatted, he was going through a big transitional period. I was just off the roller coaster of a transitional period myself, so it did my heart a bit of good to talk it through someone who understood. Whereas I was taking time off of teaching to talk to Jesus a whole lot, he had quit the job that he had held all through his college years and the years following because he knew that it wasn't what he wanted to do forever. I admire the gumption it takes to quit a job without having another job and for being willing to say "This is not what I want." I had just gotten my dream job at Trojanburg and was able to encourage him through this transition period.
Being that there was a state line that separated us, we never went on a date.
He messaged me earlier this week and started up a conversation.
Since our last message at the beginning of the year, he had moved his residency to the great state of North Carolina. He has now found a job in the area as well. He loves that the State Fair is coming to town. He loves how one can feel the energy when there is a college football game in town on a Saturday and he's actually a big fan of the weather here, too.
Let me just stop right there and say something: Bless his sweet little heart.
For those of you who don't know me, I'm somewhat of "a mover and a shaker." I don't like being told no, I'm not afraid of confrontation, and if you need a job done, I'm your girl. I yell louder than anyone in my section at a home football game and I'm not afraid to rock the mess out of some sequins on a Wednesday, just because I feel like it.
The moral of that story: I'm kind of a lot to handle.
I think this has to do with why I'm still single. The few guys that I've dated have had big personalities as well and they were never afraid to speak their mind and put me in my place. There is nothing that is better looking on a man than confidence.
When one talks to Stephen, the last thing one sees is confidence.
Stephen is knocking on thirty and is working a minimum-wage job at a fast-food joint. He isn't sure what he wants to get out of his life. It has also been discovered that he didn't finish college because nothing "spoke to him" in any of his classes. Upon talking to him some more, I have determined that his need for encouragement wasn't because of this huge transition. It was because his self-esteem and self-direction is lacking.
I was sitting around a booth with an adult beverage in my hand one Saturday evening the summer after I graduated college. Some of my friends from NC State were meeting up near campus and we were talking about our lives as alumni. One of the guys was clearly getting hit on by our waitress, to the point that I felt sad for her. The other guy at the table prodded the guy to leave his number on his bill. My friend refused to do so. I was stunned. The waitress was cute and my friend was single. When we asked why, he replied, "She giggles after every comment. Ditzy isn't sexy. Ditzy is stupid."
While I'm not calling Stephen ditzy, I am calling him out.
Advice for the Gentlemen: You're called to be leaders. Girls are genetically designed to desire security from their male partner. If you don't know where you're going in your life, you do not have the capacity to bring someone along with you. Make goals for yourself and attain them. This will be great fodder for first date conversation and will fill you with confidence, which girls find attractive.
While women are designed to desire security, men are designed to desire respect. How can a woman respect a man with nothing on his personal resume? You want the job of holding her hand? Earn it.
Will I go on a date with Stephen? I'm not sure yet. He's hinted at "needing a tour guide" but hasn't said, "Hey, let's have coffee." I like for a man to ask me out; that's his job. My job is to look pretty and dazzle him with my personality.
I like to think that I'm good at dazzling.
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