ooookay. after days of some depressing blogs, it's time for me to be happy again.
i love Jesus. i do. i love how He has everything all planned out for our good and how just simply awesome He is.
allow me to show you the awesomeness of today.
i woke up in the same "blah" attitude that i've had for a few days now. never fun.
through some miscommunication i didn't go to my first class today (surprise, surprise) and slept in a few extra hours. woke up eventually and showered and headed to my 1:30. this class is probably on the bottom of my priorities list, and i just don't like it. i go because he takes attendance. that's it. but moving on...
we got out of my literacy class a few minutes early, so i went ahead over to talley to meet with michelle edwards. on the way, i ran into two rather fabulous friends of mine: caleb durham and another guy. after i got my hugs, caleb told me that he had found my blog and almost cried a bit for me when he read my rather depressing recent entries. my other friend then spoke up and mentioned that he had some books and resources that might help me on my adventures to lebanon this summer. those boys were so kind and encouraging and they absolutely brightened my day times a billion. eventually caleb had to run to class but my other friend and i kept talking about Jesus and just how amazing He is. his words and reassurances meant so much to me and helped me refocus that none of this is about me and God is so much bigger than I am and that He's in control and not me.
i then went to discipleship with michelle edwards and we got some talley ice cream (aka the world's BEST ice cream) and then went and sat on a bench in the sunshine. i went through some of my stresses recently and after she let me get it out of my system, she then gave me the task of "listing things i could thank God for today." she mentioned that she knew that i always tried to praise God, but thanking Him and praising Him can easily become two different things. i began to say a few things, but had to really really think about the last few. it honestly took me about 10 minutes to come up with 5 or 6 things. that is so ridiculous! i have an amazing life. an absolutely amazing one. i have the freedom to go on ridiculous adventures; i am getting a wonderful education at an amazing university; i am the very very proud aunt of one of the world's most beautiful baby girls; i have 26 of the world's most beautiful, compassionate, and kind bible study girls; i am involved in a beautiful bible study myself with a wonderful support group; my brother and sister love me more than i can understand, and i them; my parents both love Jesus and so does the rest of my family; my Project family is the best group of people that i know. it should NOT take me 10 minutes to think of things to thank my Jesus for. that activity kind of brought me back to reality about what my life actually is about than the sob story that i have been making it recently.
i soon left and came back to my apartment to find my wonderful roommates thoroughly cleaning our kitchen. my heart was all aflutter to see them doing this small act of kindness and service so that i could just concentrate on school (and blog posting) tonight. the smallest things mean so much to me.
i then got on my computer and found an email from one of the staff people from lebanon. this email contained the names and emails of the rest of my project for this summer. i spent the next hour facebook stalking them and it was such a relief to my heart. all of the things that i have been praying for were true (these were later confirmed by my project director, but more on that later).
1. there will only be 8-10 students on the trip (the EXACT numbers i've been praying for)
2. currently, there are 4 girls coming, and there was never any mention of another girl applying (i have been praying for an even number of girls...the number 4 has come up once or twice in my prayers as well :)!!)
3. there's more than 3 guys coming--currently there's 4, but that number might grow to 5. (i've been praying for an even number of guys and girls or more guys than girls)
4. we're all juniors and seniors (due to maturity levels and current walks with Jesus i knew this would be best).
God is so good and I was so blessed to find that His ideas match mine.
i also had a wonderful and encouraging conversation with my andrea. she's one of my new girls and has been a blessing to my heart from the minute i saw her. i just love knowing that even though i've only known her a few weeks, she's already comfortable with me and i can already see the Lord working in our lives together.
about thirty minutes later, a knock comes from my front door (people...don't knock. just walk in. no one knocks at my house and it kinda freaks me out when someone does). it was a wonderful friend of mine that informed me that she had been praying for my adventures and that she had some support she wanted to give. she had told me recently that she had some financial stuff coming up and i was really only expecting a few dollars from her. oh man! she shot that theory down!!! with her donation and my other letters today, i received $220 today which puts me over $800 and very very close to my support goal of $1000 by Friday!!
about thirty minutes after my dear friend left, my project director called me and we talked for almost an hour. i got alot of questions cleared up and i just got to know her better. my philosophy on life (especially after Clearwater) is vulnerability is best; honesty is great. if you don't speak up, nothing changes. no one grows and no one benefits. am i honest all the time and do i let the world know my every thought? no, but i do what i think i should. she also has this policy of honesty and vulnerability and i found a great connection between the two of us which made me so excited for this summer! she was so encouraging and was a great voice of reason in my life that i've been needing for about a week.
when i got off the phone with my project director, i headed over to the Campus Outreach weekly meeting. i had never been to one before, but in order to follow up with a girl who wasn't emailing me back, i decided to go to one. not only did i get to talk to my girl, but i saw a few other old friends (and met new ones!) and was so encouraged by the message!
One of the key passages for the message was Genesis 12:1-4.
1 The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your land, your people, and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.
2 "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great and you will be a blessing. 3 I will bless those who bless you and whoever curses you I will also curse and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." 4 So Abram left, as the LORD had told him; Lot set out with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran.
Okaayyy. Can we please talk about how this is my life?! As I have said many, many times, Lebanon was NOT my idea. It was completely Jesus'. But this is exactly what God has been telling me to do.
"Leave your land (aka Raleigh, America), your people (your Wolfpackers--Lebanon is not NCSU's partnership--your baby girls, your first project family), and your father's household (my family) to go to the land I will show you (He told me Lebanon)."
God didn't tell Abram to "pack up and go to this single place and follow these instructions: a,b,c,d,e,f, so on and so forth." He just said "get up and go." So Abram did. And we all know that's not what i've been doing. i've been complaining, i've been kicking and screaming, i've been unhappy. sure, i've applied. sure, i've been raising support. sure, i haven't withdrawn my application. but we all know my joy has NOT been coming from the Lord and i have not been willing. i am in no way saying that i have completely changed and will be happy all the time about Lebanon now, but God certainly did some smacking upside the head. what i am saying is that i am going to go to sleep with a smile on my face and wake up happy in a few hours for the first time in a while.
and one more joyous thing, just for the road: my next post will more than likely come from CLEARWATER BEACH, FLORIDA and the NORTH SUNRISE RESORT AND HOTEL!!!
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