(dis)Comfort and JOY!

For anyone that has spoken to me in the past few weeks, you know that I've been struggling. Since I've gotten back into the country, I've been struggling with the fact that I felt like I have no purpose here in America or, more specifically, in Raleigh. That struggle became easier when my girls began to arrive back to Raleigh and they became my world again, but the main idea hasn't gone away. It intensified once more a few weeks ago when I was sitting in Bible Study with my beautiful girls and I realized that the people that I tell about Jesus all ready know Jesus. To go from an atmosphere where there's a chance that I'm the only white person these people will ever see, and that there's a possibility that I'm the only evangelical believer these people will ever meet to this place where I look like everybody, talk like most, and believe as all my friends do...it's odd. And overwhelming in some scenarios.

I've always struggled with my post-graduation plans from the time I was a sophomore. I had always hidden this desire of mine to join staff with Crusade for at least a year so I could love on my girls for another year. But then I headed over to the Middle East and now I have this strong desire to go back over there.

While riding home from Fall Retreat, a friend of mine mentioned that I WAS going back after I graduate. There was no "maybe" or "eventually". Going back to the Middle East was the only option for me. When I mentioned the whole Crusade/baby girls thing, he commented, "Well, doesn't sticking around here kind of go against the whole 'sharing Jesus with people who don't know Him' thing?" This little statement has sent me into a serious praying state for the past few days. If I was confused as to what to do with my life before he made this point, I have quadrupled it.

One of my biggest prayers during my last few weeks of Lebanon was pleading to the Lord to "not be done here." I knew these people were living in a very conflicted area and they could at any minute go to war and have no more time to consider Jesus. It scared me that there might not be anyone that could tell them about Jesus anymore. I just lived in fear for these people. Still do at some days. It's a huge struggle to lay these beautiful friends at the feet of Jesus.
Well, I love Jesus. I got an email today from one of my Lebanon brothers telling us that a STINTer had emailed him letting him know that someone that we had talked with this summer HAD PRAYED TO RECEIVE CHRIST!!! I screamed. Literally. Outloud. In class. God still has a lot of work to do over there and I'm still praying adamently for these people, but I loved knowing that there was one that I could check off my list.

Now what does this do for my unhappiness in America? Well, time will tell that one too.

joys of student teaching.

I'm always bored the first hour and a half of my school day. It's African American Literature which is the class that I am least involved in. I am also NOT a morning person so to be expected to be awake and happy and attentive is just so far beyond what I am actually capable of. However, today was a great day. First period and beyond. Just the small things put a smile on my face.

a.) I learned how to work the big bad copier all by myself.
b.) Two of my kids came in and sat on my desk and told me they had missed me this week.
c.) My Co-Teacher brought in chocolate.
d.) She also filled up my tires with air for my journey to Fayetteville this afternoon.
e.) I was interviewed for the student newspaper since I am only one of four student teachers this semester. I feel so special :)

I've still got the second half of third to go and also fourth period (which is my favorite class) but I'm looking forward to a great day at work to begin a great weekend with Crusade!

answered prayers :)

So it turns out that everything that I posted about Spencer was completely wrong. However, that doesn't change that Spencer is still in the hospital. We've gotten good reports over and over again from all of our people that are coming in and out of the hospital checking on him. This morning I even got a text saying that the doctors are pretty sure that he's out of the woods for the whole brain damage thing. Praise the Lord!!! We're praying for a miracle, but thankfully we serve a God of miracles :)

Moving to a completely shallow answered prayer from that one, my Wolfpack skinned the Catamounts today. 48-07. Good stuff, boys. You make me proud.

A Box of Chocolates.

This has been my life lately...life is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you're going to get.

NC State classes are going well. I have one professor that is really enjoying abusing his power over us. It's been a bit overwhelming, but that's over (HAAAAAALLELUJAH!) and now we're splitting the classes up again. However, one good thing that I can report is this:

This professor that was enjoying abusing his power is a professor that I really have disliked in the past. However, after I completed the one assignment (yes. one. that's how HUGE this joker was.) and we just discussed Hamlet the rest of the week, I began to realize how much I was actually enjoying myself. I remember him telling us a few times that he enjoys student teachers more than any other students so maybe it's that or maybe he's just a nicer person a year later. He's one of the most intimidating people that I've ever met but he actually smiled this week. I near 'bout fell out of my chair when he laughed, but I am really learning a lot and I loved the things that he was telling/showing/teaching us this week.

We had our first legit (aka with Bibles) BStud this week. I'm pretty sure I stepped on some toes, but the girls seemed to handle the whole thing pretty well. I love them more than life and sometimes that love has to be tough--they'll thank me one day. This semester we're walking through the Book of James and I'm expecting big things. Well, rather, I'm praying for big things and waiting patiently for the Lord to show up.

My Hannah turned 20 on Wednesday. Oh man, I'm old.

This is where the box of chocolates comes in to play. Last night at Crusade I found out some news that I could have lived without. I just have to keep reminding myself that God is in control and I love the small fingerprints of how He has been orchestrating this whole thing for years.

Spencer Shell is a friend of mine. 21 years old. Artist, lover of Jesus, involved with Cru/SV, runs 6 miles a day. While running on campus yesterday he collapsed. Praise the Lord it was on Dan Allen where it was highly populated and someone called for help. Given that he was just out for an afternoon run, he had no ID on him. But, he just "happened" to be wearing a Crusade tshirt. One of the paramedics had an onlooker use their Smartphone to Google Campus Crusade for Christ at NC State and the first contact number they found was Mike Mehaffie. Now, Spencer just "happens" to be in Mike's Bible Study. The paramedics asked that since this unidentified person belonged to our group could we send someone to ID him. Mike went and immediately recognized Spencer. Turns out, Spencer went into heart failure while running and is still in the ICU. I don't care what God you believe in, I beg of you to pray for Spencer.

Another Crusade person lost their father yesterday as well. Jan Shin is a senior and was one of the first people I met at Crusade. Praise the Lord though her earthly father is gone, her Heavenly Father is not.

NCSU Cru is at a loss for words except for these:

GOD IS SOVEREIGN.

a real live adult.

that's how i've felt recently.

i ran out to the harris teeter the other night and while i was on my blackberry doing business, i shopped around and saved $28.50 on my entire grocery bill. i saw a few friends around there, and we were all education majors and we had fun with our coupons and different in-class stories.

thursday was also known as crazyday. i had class all day and as soon as that was done, i ran home and threw on a pretty little sundress so i could go to the open house. i met 40 students and their parents and even some siblings. it went so great! i love these kids! most were either incredibly excited or scared out of their poor little minds. and my teacher is GREAT! take me and make me a yankee and you have my cooperating teacher. she's enthusiastic and creative and has a ton of energy. near 'bout curses like a sailor, but it's all in good fun. they all called me Miss Sanderson and it freaked me out.

after the open house, i rushed back to get to crusade's first meeting on time. the pastor at vintage 21 church spoke and did an excellent job. however, it was kind of weird. i didn't know the majority of the people in the room, and it's been about three years since that's happened. nataleigh timberlake had fun telling me that it was "our last first crusade meeting ever." that might not be true for me since i want to join staff, but it's definitely true as a student. i don't know if it was a post-lebanon thing, or if it was a "i'm a senior" thing, but it was so weird. it bothered me that we were all together...and not fellowshipping with not-yet believers. i'm interested to see how this year is going to pan out with these thoughts in mind.

friday was...interesting. it was a full day of turning in papers and giving presentations. about 8 of us went out to lunch during our 2 hour break. we went over our presentations for that day and we talked about the joys and horrors about our individuals cooperating teachers. i'm loving spending the entire day with the same twenty girls. we know each other very well and we have a lot of laughs together. it's great to have a solid group walk you through this...interesting semester in my life. after my classes, i shot home and threw some laundry in the washer and then went across the street to spend some time with two of my favorite kiddos, Mason and Carson Hetzell. after babysitting, i went back to Raleigh and my Allison Tart spent the night.

we slept til noon on saturday and then got ready and went to the "I'm Having Crusade Summer Project Withdrawal DINNER!" i heard some stories about what the Lord did across the universe this summer and then went back to wendell to babysit some cousins of mine, edward and analee apple. so. stinkin. cute. analee painted my nails and edward and i took turns chasing each other around the house. we then ate lots of cookies n cream ice cream and watched 'Annie' until we all fell asleep in the sleeping bags in the playroom.

i started off the long weekend as an adult being called Miss Sanderson...and i ended it covered in pink nail polish who slept in a cinderlla sleeping bag. welcome to the life of an over involved twenty one year old :)

world of syllabi.

My mom tells me often that she looks forward to my phone call at the end of the first day of every semester. It's the day where I get all of my syllabi for the semester. The minute I have one in my hand, I read over all of the assignments, and throughout the day I get more and more stressed out after seeing the number of things that these people wish me to accomplish during the course of a semester. Many, MANY four letter words rush through my brain during the first few days. Apparently my stress is her entertainment.

This was no different. I only have two actual classes this semester since I am student teaching, however, each class is two and half hours long. That's a ton of work that has the potential to be assigned in a day. Like today for instance, three papers were assigned in my first class, and then a presentation was assigned in my second. All of these things must be accomplished by Friday. Oh joy.

I could sit here and complain about this day for a while, but I'm going to stop now.

Here's some good things about today:
1. I parked in the Coliseum Parking Deck for the very first time with my legit parking pass. I felt so grown up.
2. Both of my classes are all girl. It's rather fabulous. The only men I see are my four professors (two professors per class).
3. There's only 21 of us in my classes. It's the same 21 that will be graduating together.
4. I did some serious coupon clipping today. Coupon clipping makes me happy.
5. I had a great discussion about Lebanon with one of my professors. I ran into him at the bookstore and I was speaking Arabic on the telephone and for some reason he was curious why this white, blonde haired, green eyed girl is speaking Arabic.
6. I got a babysitting gig with the Hetzell's for Friday night. These kids are my favorite 5-year-old and 2-year-old in the entire. world.


Just a small update for a crazy day. I'm sure this is going to get more and more interesting as the student teaching experience goes on.

Eight Things.

so i've seen these things where you go through each month and sum it up in a nutshell. and then i've seen "top ten must haves" for certain parts of life. i have liked what i have seen/read, and so i decided to combine them. it's the eighth month of the year...so here's my eight top things/moments/memories of my two thousand ten :)

(in no particular order)

08. day at the orphanage: monsurieh, lebanon.
07. encouraging emails from america to lebanon.
06. communal nap times in lebanon.
05. slop. it's this new recipe that i've concocted...and i'm a fan.
04. PASTA AT ROADSTER'S ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!
03. erin/todd/matt visit for the weekend.
02. jewelry show at vegas.
01. cirque de soleil at vegas.

it's been fun.

and i'm a senior tomorrow. in college.
i'm. freaking. out.

we'll see how this whole "tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life" thing goes...