(dis)Comfort and JOY!

For anyone that has spoken to me in the past few weeks, you know that I've been struggling. Since I've gotten back into the country, I've been struggling with the fact that I felt like I have no purpose here in America or, more specifically, in Raleigh. That struggle became easier when my girls began to arrive back to Raleigh and they became my world again, but the main idea hasn't gone away. It intensified once more a few weeks ago when I was sitting in Bible Study with my beautiful girls and I realized that the people that I tell about Jesus all ready know Jesus. To go from an atmosphere where there's a chance that I'm the only white person these people will ever see, and that there's a possibility that I'm the only evangelical believer these people will ever meet to this place where I look like everybody, talk like most, and believe as all my friends do...it's odd. And overwhelming in some scenarios.

I've always struggled with my post-graduation plans from the time I was a sophomore. I had always hidden this desire of mine to join staff with Crusade for at least a year so I could love on my girls for another year. But then I headed over to the Middle East and now I have this strong desire to go back over there.

While riding home from Fall Retreat, a friend of mine mentioned that I WAS going back after I graduate. There was no "maybe" or "eventually". Going back to the Middle East was the only option for me. When I mentioned the whole Crusade/baby girls thing, he commented, "Well, doesn't sticking around here kind of go against the whole 'sharing Jesus with people who don't know Him' thing?" This little statement has sent me into a serious praying state for the past few days. If I was confused as to what to do with my life before he made this point, I have quadrupled it.

One of my biggest prayers during my last few weeks of Lebanon was pleading to the Lord to "not be done here." I knew these people were living in a very conflicted area and they could at any minute go to war and have no more time to consider Jesus. It scared me that there might not be anyone that could tell them about Jesus anymore. I just lived in fear for these people. Still do at some days. It's a huge struggle to lay these beautiful friends at the feet of Jesus.
Well, I love Jesus. I got an email today from one of my Lebanon brothers telling us that a STINTer had emailed him letting him know that someone that we had talked with this summer HAD PRAYED TO RECEIVE CHRIST!!! I screamed. Literally. Outloud. In class. God still has a lot of work to do over there and I'm still praying adamently for these people, but I loved knowing that there was one that I could check off my list.

Now what does this do for my unhappiness in America? Well, time will tell that one too.