two lessons on worry.

Yes, I do realize that I have already posted today. You'll get over it.

When I first applied for Lebanon, I made it very clear to God that if this was just an test of faith if I would be willing to step out of my comfort zone to follow Him, that was fine, but please don't let me get accepted! Although I am not accepted yet (still waiting on references), I received an email from one of our staff people telling me there was a problem with my application.

I had marked that my date of availability was May 12. Being that I was told earlier that our project was looking like May 15-June 22, that was no problem. However, the email said that we are looking to leave more like May 9th or 1oth. If this happens, God will REALLY be taking me out of my own plans--missing Meredith's Class Day with my Bible Study girls, missing Mothers Day, being run out of Raleigh before exams are over, not being able to work at all during the summer before I leave, whew! The email asked if I could talk to my professors to see if my exams could change.
I have four paper exams this semester. Two on two days, then skip three days, and take two more, then supposedly leave for Lebanon. Of course, the two exams which directly say on our syllabus "these exam dates are non-negociable" are the two I need to get moved.
I've sent an email to one professor to see about this and I'll be going to office hours with another prof ASAP so I can let Regional know soon if I'll be available.
Oh boy.

I read a book (I know, big shocker!) earlier this semester entitled "Calm My Anxious Heart" and a few chapters were focused on worry. One quote that really stuck with me was this (although this is quite paraphrased):

"Worrying committing infidelity in our relationship with God. His part of the relationship is to provide grace and unconditional love and our part is faith. When we begin to worry, we have lost our faith that God has our best interests in mind. When we have lost our faith, no matter how small, we are backing out of our relationship with Christ."

This struck me. My relationship with my Savior is one of my most precious possessions, how could I so easily just leave it. And worrying really doesn't solve anything! It just makes you eat chocolate and gives you heart problems. When I read this, I resolved to worry less. Well, the thing with resolutions is that you are often tested with them. I have definitely been tested with this particular one! In case you missed this quote's relevance, see above...or below.

I am entering my fourth semester as a Bible Study leader with Campus Crusade for Christ here on State's campus. I absolutely adore it and my girls are my world! Well, because Jesus enjoys putting me on the big screen in Heaven and watching me with a bucket of popcorn, He's been working on my life recently, especially in the Bible Study area. I had a meeting today with my West Campus director and both of my co-leaders to discuss some strain in our Bible Study recently. I went into this meeting with a horrible attitude. I knew how to solve this problem and I had been fighting this battle for a long time, but my tears, concerns, pain, and stress had been falling on deaf ears. The fact that we had to talk about this stuff AGAIN was severly pissing me off. I decided at the meeting that it wasn't smart for me to talk at all because I knew I couldn't mask my frustrations and I would possibly burn bridges, severely hurt feelings, step on toes and possibly leave my girls--who wants that? Thankfully, my co-leader Ava Michelle stepped up and voiced alot of the same concerns that I had been voicing and because God was definitely speaking through her, she was able to communicate alot better than what I would have been able to. She handled everything gracefully with kindness and tact. For the first time in many, many, many months, I walked away from a meeting about Bible Study with hope and even joy! I had been worrying myself sick with many different outcomes of this meeting and Bible Study in general but I now have an amazing peace. Once again, God had to teach me the lesson that these girls are His first and mine second. He had to teach me that I am not important and He can do this work without me, He just chooses to use me for some reason. And I am so glad He does :)