Wednesday, November 13, 2013

90DoOD: Don't Pray for Marriage.

Have you ever heard a phrase that struck something deep inside you? A sentence that makes you stop dead in your tracks? Sometimes these sentences contain bits of shocking news -- I remember forgetting where my feet were when I found out that my Project brother died; the same kind of effect happened when my friend Kevin told me about the terrorist attacks happening in that exact moment on 9/11.

My whole world was turned upside down the first time that I truly heard the words "Jesus wants you." I had heard the concept before, but my soul had never heard it. Jesus wants me -- my flaws, my freckles, the few extra pounds around the middle. He wants my split ends and all of the snorts I produce when I laugh too hard. He wants my pseudo OCD and my barely-organized chaos.
I was already a believer when I heard this phrase, but I was still struggling deep with insecurities and attempting to find my place in this world. When my Bible Study leader, Shelly, said those three words, it was like everything clicked together. I have seriously contemplated getting those three words tattooed on myself as a constant reminder of the truth in them.

I was stopped dead a few weeks ago when a friend said to me: "Don't pray for marriage."

I went to a cookout the other night and was greeted immediately by a friend. Ma Ella, as I like to call her, was a former co-worker of mine and I truly believe that the Lord used her and her prayers to get me through that semester. We chatted about life and her kids and eventually she asked if I had a boy. I told her no and used my go-to joke of "no one can afford me" to move the conversation right along.

"Well, darling, as long as you're praying for him, he'll be along shortly," was her response. I promised her I was praying for him and praying as specifically as I could.

"Good girl. Pray for that man. Pray that he loves Jesus more than you, pray that he's learning how to be the man of your relationship and learning how to be a good father to y'all's children. Whatever you do, young lady, don't you dare pray for marriage."

"Excuse me? I'm not supposed to pray for my marriage?"

"Oh, you can pray for your marriage. You can pray for the adjectives you want to describe your marriage, you can pray that the Lord makes you the person He wants you to be for your marriage, but don't pray for marriage. Don't pray for marriage because that's all you're gonna get."

Don't pray for marriage because that's all you're gonna get.

Don't pray to find someone because then he'll just be anybody.

I had Ma Ella repeat that sentence to me a few times to make sure that it really sunk in deep.

"Don't pray for marriage because then you'll just get married. Then what? Who is this person? Is this the person that you're supposed to be with? Are you the person that's most right for them? Do your dreams align and can the two of you as one work together to glorify Him?" she continued.

The wheels in my brain were spinning so quickly I was about to fall over. This blog post began to write itself!

Don't pray for marriage because that's all you're going to get.

Pray for a marriage where each of you is sacrificing yourself daily for the other person (I guess this means I may have to learn to cook --and deal with the smell of -- cauliflower). Pray for a man who is so invested in what is best for The Kingdom and for your family that when he comes to you and says, "I've made a decision," it doesn't terrify you. Pray for a man who gives thanks daily -- gratitude is the foundation of a happy heart, a happy life, a happy home. Pray for a man who understand his mission and purpose in life.

Pray for a man who can accept my independence and the fact that I've functioned extremely well by myself for the past however many years. And a man who will appreciate my passion for sequins and giggling and all the little orphan babies in the whole wide world.

But, wait, sorry, that's just my prayer.

I digress.

Gentlemen, pray for a woman who loves Jesus with everything -- her money, her clothing, her body. Pray for a woman with a career and a head on her shoulders. If she has the ability to balance a career and a social life before you, she can easily balance one with and for you. Pray for a woman with passion. Women multiply everything -- we, as a species, nurture children to become adults, we take a little flour and make a loaf of bread, we take a vase and fill it with flowers to fill an entire room with color and scent. If a woman makes your life together her passion, the church that you two invest in together her passion, the community in which the two of you live her passion, just think of the possibilities for her and for you! Pray for a woman whose dreams can become your own -- as Christ laid down his life for her, so should you. Make sure that you know whose life you are taking on for your own.

Don't pray for marriage because that's all you'll get.

Pray for everything, and then pray a little bit more.

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