PSAT

I'm currently sitting in my "next door neighbor's" classroom proctoring the PSAT. Thrilling, I know. Although I'm incredibly glad high school is over anyhow, just sitting in this room with all of the tangible stress just gives me one more reason to be glad to have "been there, done that, bought the tshirt."

I keep saying that my next blog entry will have pictures, but most of my updates come from my school computer, and therefore, I don't have any pictures with me to upload. My internet has had a mind of it's own recently in my townhouse so I can't exactly trust it to deal with my precious pictures. Maybe someday...

Student teaching is still going well. I have taken over both of my freshman English classes right now, and I pick up the African American Lit class on Monday. That will make me full time. Eek! It's exciting and exhausting all in one.

I had a very interesting event happen with a student yesterday...I can't go into specifics, but let's say I might end up testifying soon. Whoo hoo. Other than that, I love my kids. I really do. I am beyond blessed to be at Garner. As much crap as my East Wake folks give me about being here, it's totally worth it. I've even told my principal that if he can get me a job here, I'll sign a Letter of Intent right now.

A few stories that I wanted to share:

Yesterday, after The Event with one of my students, I came back into the classroom and asked my kids, "Why do I want to be a teacher again?" All of them had some smart comment or another about 'because you get to have ME!' or something like that. A few of them came up and gave me a hug. One girl even said something to the effect of: "Miss Sanderson, does Mrs. Byrnes ever have to come back? Or can you just stay with us?" Cute little munchkins.

Another girl had an epiphany:

"Miss Sanderson! You're not really a teacher right?"

"Well, honey, I'm your teacher, but no I don't have my certification yet, no."

"So, that means that you're still looking for a real job?"
"Yes, love."
"You should get a job here! And then, since we're freshman, you can have us again! And we'll be just like the Freedom Writers!"

As cute as this was, I immediately began thinking about how I would have to plan new units every. single. summer. for the kids in order to stay with them throughout their careers. Don't get me wrong, I'd do it because I adore them, but heavens. That's a lot of work.

I'm missing my LTN girls like WHOA every single day. To go from this fabulous community every day, all day, to being by myself, it's no fun. I just wish that we were together for moral support or something. We still have our PR dates on Fridays, but Fridays are so incredibly far apart. If any of you are reading this, I love you, I miss you and I can't wait to see you soon :)

I had dinner with Whitney Ledford last night. We ate some fabulous (and cheap!) Mexican food and told all of our crazy children stories. While I've been having kids propose to me, she's been lighting her projector on fire. No big deal. It was so good to hear stories that I am actually going to make it through this insanity.

That's pretty much my life in a nutshell.

My next post will have pictures.

Maybe.

freshman year flashback.

This past Friday was NCSU Crusade's Annual Barn Party. As all things in my life and in Crusade, it was super fun, but there was definitely a different vibe because I'm a sen-- well, I don't use that word, but you know what I'm talking about. As I was getting ready for the BP and putting the finishing touches on some pancakes, I couldn't help but think of my first Barn Party three years ago.

This was me back then. This was my first Barn Party. This was me freshman year.

This girl has no idea what was about to hit her.

Would this girl approve of the girl that I see in the mirror today?

Would she be okay with the decisions that I've made for her over the past three years?

I know that she definitely wouldn't be okay by how the numbers on the scale look in comparison to that day. She would probably cry over all of the boy stories that I could tell her. She would really enjoy the idea of packing up and going to Clearwater, but she would yell at me for going to the Middle East. I don't know how she would react to all of the Bible Study girls that she loves, because that was definitely not the life that she wanted back then.

I was on a mission with Sarah Beth after Barn Party to find an open Cook Out whose line was less than twenty minutes long. I was telling her about this idea running around my head about how Senior Year Rebekah measures up to Freshman Year Rebekah's standards. She asked me the question:
"If you could tell her one thing, what would it be?"

My knee jerk reaction was

"GET READY"

because her life was about to go on a roller coaster that I could never explain to her.

I thought about warning her about Post Project Depression and all of the insanity that her sophomore and junior years would soonly brought. But, as I explained to Sarah Beth, so many lessons came from those horrible four months that I really don't think I could sacrifice them.

I've said many times that if I disliked my life I would change it, and since I'm obviously sticking to this path, I am not complaining at all. But it just makes me wonder if I'm making her proud.

beautiful children.

I have my Unit Plan due on Wednesday, so stress doens't even begin to describe my life right now. I went to Garner today to mooch off of my cooperating teacher for worksheets and other fun things to put into the notebook. I also have my short story lesson plan due to my afternoon class this afternoon. I went to Garner all dressed up and ready for my afternoon of teaching. I was looking good, let's just say. I snuck into my third period and starting grabbing worksheets.

"Miss San-a-son! You're hott!"
"Thanks Luis, but that's inappropriate."
"Miss San-a-son! Why you look so good?"
"I have to prove to NC State this afternoon that I am a good teacher, so I have to look professional."
"But Miss Sanderson..." said Michell, "why don't they just ask us? We can tell them you're a good teacher."
"Yeah Miss Sanderson. Just have them come here and you can show them then. We'll tell them for you!" Lindsay interjected.

i do love my job.

(dis)Comfort and JOY!

For anyone that has spoken to me in the past few weeks, you know that I've been struggling. Since I've gotten back into the country, I've been struggling with the fact that I felt like I have no purpose here in America or, more specifically, in Raleigh. That struggle became easier when my girls began to arrive back to Raleigh and they became my world again, but the main idea hasn't gone away. It intensified once more a few weeks ago when I was sitting in Bible Study with my beautiful girls and I realized that the people that I tell about Jesus all ready know Jesus. To go from an atmosphere where there's a chance that I'm the only white person these people will ever see, and that there's a possibility that I'm the only evangelical believer these people will ever meet to this place where I look like everybody, talk like most, and believe as all my friends do...it's odd. And overwhelming in some scenarios.

I've always struggled with my post-graduation plans from the time I was a sophomore. I had always hidden this desire of mine to join staff with Crusade for at least a year so I could love on my girls for another year. But then I headed over to the Middle East and now I have this strong desire to go back over there.

While riding home from Fall Retreat, a friend of mine mentioned that I WAS going back after I graduate. There was no "maybe" or "eventually". Going back to the Middle East was the only option for me. When I mentioned the whole Crusade/baby girls thing, he commented, "Well, doesn't sticking around here kind of go against the whole 'sharing Jesus with people who don't know Him' thing?" This little statement has sent me into a serious praying state for the past few days. If I was confused as to what to do with my life before he made this point, I have quadrupled it.

One of my biggest prayers during my last few weeks of Lebanon was pleading to the Lord to "not be done here." I knew these people were living in a very conflicted area and they could at any minute go to war and have no more time to consider Jesus. It scared me that there might not be anyone that could tell them about Jesus anymore. I just lived in fear for these people. Still do at some days. It's a huge struggle to lay these beautiful friends at the feet of Jesus.
Well, I love Jesus. I got an email today from one of my Lebanon brothers telling us that a STINTer had emailed him letting him know that someone that we had talked with this summer HAD PRAYED TO RECEIVE CHRIST!!! I screamed. Literally. Outloud. In class. God still has a lot of work to do over there and I'm still praying adamently for these people, but I loved knowing that there was one that I could check off my list.

Now what does this do for my unhappiness in America? Well, time will tell that one too.

joys of student teaching.

I'm always bored the first hour and a half of my school day. It's African American Literature which is the class that I am least involved in. I am also NOT a morning person so to be expected to be awake and happy and attentive is just so far beyond what I am actually capable of. However, today was a great day. First period and beyond. Just the small things put a smile on my face.

a.) I learned how to work the big bad copier all by myself.
b.) Two of my kids came in and sat on my desk and told me they had missed me this week.
c.) My Co-Teacher brought in chocolate.
d.) She also filled up my tires with air for my journey to Fayetteville this afternoon.
e.) I was interviewed for the student newspaper since I am only one of four student teachers this semester. I feel so special :)

I've still got the second half of third to go and also fourth period (which is my favorite class) but I'm looking forward to a great day at work to begin a great weekend with Crusade!

answered prayers :)

So it turns out that everything that I posted about Spencer was completely wrong. However, that doesn't change that Spencer is still in the hospital. We've gotten good reports over and over again from all of our people that are coming in and out of the hospital checking on him. This morning I even got a text saying that the doctors are pretty sure that he's out of the woods for the whole brain damage thing. Praise the Lord!!! We're praying for a miracle, but thankfully we serve a God of miracles :)

Moving to a completely shallow answered prayer from that one, my Wolfpack skinned the Catamounts today. 48-07. Good stuff, boys. You make me proud.

A Box of Chocolates.

This has been my life lately...life is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you're going to get.

NC State classes are going well. I have one professor that is really enjoying abusing his power over us. It's been a bit overwhelming, but that's over (HAAAAAALLELUJAH!) and now we're splitting the classes up again. However, one good thing that I can report is this:

This professor that was enjoying abusing his power is a professor that I really have disliked in the past. However, after I completed the one assignment (yes. one. that's how HUGE this joker was.) and we just discussed Hamlet the rest of the week, I began to realize how much I was actually enjoying myself. I remember him telling us a few times that he enjoys student teachers more than any other students so maybe it's that or maybe he's just a nicer person a year later. He's one of the most intimidating people that I've ever met but he actually smiled this week. I near 'bout fell out of my chair when he laughed, but I am really learning a lot and I loved the things that he was telling/showing/teaching us this week.

We had our first legit (aka with Bibles) BStud this week. I'm pretty sure I stepped on some toes, but the girls seemed to handle the whole thing pretty well. I love them more than life and sometimes that love has to be tough--they'll thank me one day. This semester we're walking through the Book of James and I'm expecting big things. Well, rather, I'm praying for big things and waiting patiently for the Lord to show up.

My Hannah turned 20 on Wednesday. Oh man, I'm old.

This is where the box of chocolates comes in to play. Last night at Crusade I found out some news that I could have lived without. I just have to keep reminding myself that God is in control and I love the small fingerprints of how He has been orchestrating this whole thing for years.

Spencer Shell is a friend of mine. 21 years old. Artist, lover of Jesus, involved with Cru/SV, runs 6 miles a day. While running on campus yesterday he collapsed. Praise the Lord it was on Dan Allen where it was highly populated and someone called for help. Given that he was just out for an afternoon run, he had no ID on him. But, he just "happened" to be wearing a Crusade tshirt. One of the paramedics had an onlooker use their Smartphone to Google Campus Crusade for Christ at NC State and the first contact number they found was Mike Mehaffie. Now, Spencer just "happens" to be in Mike's Bible Study. The paramedics asked that since this unidentified person belonged to our group could we send someone to ID him. Mike went and immediately recognized Spencer. Turns out, Spencer went into heart failure while running and is still in the ICU. I don't care what God you believe in, I beg of you to pray for Spencer.

Another Crusade person lost their father yesterday as well. Jan Shin is a senior and was one of the first people I met at Crusade. Praise the Lord though her earthly father is gone, her Heavenly Father is not.

NCSU Cru is at a loss for words except for these:

GOD IS SOVEREIGN.