Alive!

I am alive! Barely, but I'm still breathing.

My soul is refreshed after this wonderful long weekend. It was the exact nourishment that I needed in order to keep pushing through school for the next seven weeks. I have a few pictures to share later--I was not as picture diligent as I now wish I was--and lots of stories!

A brief run-down of what you get to look forward to...

I climbed a mountain.

I surprised three of my favorite people.

I sat on a front porch swing and heard all about my sisters' lives.

I ate lots of good food.

I explored three different cities.

I never will understand how to cross time zones.

I saw lots of family members.

It was a good weekend.

If you have had a conversation with me over the past month, I have probably had a smile on my face, but the things I said probably weren't encouraging.

After this weekend, a friend texted me and asked how I was doing. My response

"I am happier than I have been in weeks. I'm physically exhausted but I am emotionally, spiritually, and mentally refreshed. Thank God for true love and family."

I can't wait to share my stories.

Room 20.

Today, I had planned to blog about shin splints and blisters and oddly-fitting shoes and all of the other joys that come with a ballet class and 5k training.

Then I checked my Facebook. My Facebook page had a sweet little message on it from my Clearwater sister, Kim, on it.

It went something like this...

"Hey beautiful friend! Just making sure you knew I miss you. I was thinking about how we got to see each other this time last year at Preview Weekend. One year = too long.

P.S. I love to read your blog. I get to enjoy your talented writing and keep up with your life at the same time :)"

Needless to say, this made my day.

So I wanted to give a little shout-out to my CBSP roomies: Kim, Vicky, and Marla, the ladies of Room 20, where the door is always open :)

Vicky, me, Marla, and Kim on Family Photo Day

Me and Vicky at 80s Prom!

Me and Kim at EKU's Semi-Formal, 2009.

Best Spring Break ever.

Marla and me at the Tampa Bay Rays baseball game.

Marla, Kim, me, and Vicky at the End of Summer Banquet.

I am so thankful for these girls. It would have been a really lonely summer without them.

Every time I clean, I still think of Kim and how Saturday (cleaning day) was her favorite day of the week. I love how she eagerly searched for Christ in every aspect of her life. It was such a comfort to be hanging out by the pool during the evenings and look up and see her perched in the chair outside our door reading her Bible and talking to Jesus.

Marla's laugh was so contagious. She was the one that I talked to the most before packing up the car and heading down to Florida and when I realized that she was going to be my roomie for the summer it was so comforting--I knew I would have a friend!

Vicky and I talked every night about midnight. We were usually the last to go to bed in our room and we would sit in the living room and talk and talk and talk. About everything. I think I had the most honest relationship with her out of every person that summer.

I love you girls. So much.

DREAM TEAM (Day 22)

A month ago, I packed up The Reba and headed to Black Mountain, NC.

What I found there was the most amazing group of people that I know.

Although we still had a day left of our "Lebanese-Only" restricted diet, the kids snuck out to go have some Deek Duke's (a chicken restaurant which was definitely more Western than Eastern) for dinner. We didn't tell Mom and Dad until debriefing about our little disobedience.

This past summer while I was serving in Lebanon, these people lived, served, ate, cried, prayed, laughed, and loved with me.


Before I left, people would ask me what I was most afraid of or nervous about venturing over to the Middle East. They expected answers like "the food" or "safety." My answer: My team not liking me. I shocked a good number of people with this answer.

"But Rebekah, everyone likes you."
"Rebekah Suzanne, how could anyone not like you?"

...were the two most common responses to my reply.


Nevertheless, it was my biggest concern. I was so lucky with CBSP08 to find a family who loves me and accepts me that I knew I wouldn't get so lucky again. Wrong.

My beautiful sisters at Black Mountain for reunion.

When people ask me how Lebanon compares to Clearwater, I cannot begin to compare the two. That is to say, God has given me exactly what I've needed each time around.



Clearwater has been a family that loves me unconditionally when I needed to learn the lesson of unconditional love. The Dream Team is my prayer circle who entered my life at a time when I needed support and community so bad my soul ached. Although I love them as much as I love CBSP08, I talk to them about different things than I do with Clearwater. Dream TEam knows my struggles with my girls, my walk, my family, my life, blah blah blah. I met each family at a different point in my life and therefore have a different connection with each.


The Dream Team has my back when they go to The Throne. I text them constantly with prayer requests, no matter how big or small. They pray for my girls whenever I ask, and it wouldn't surprise me if they did it even when I haven't asked. They know my fears, anxiety, joy, and struggle with graduating and moving on from State. They know my intense love for my Wolfpack.

Erin, Kim, and I at the Jeita Grottos this past summer.

I was talking to my mom over Thanksgiving Break and somehow the conversation rolled over to Lebanon. I told her that I can't wait to see where the twelve of us are in five years. Confused, she asked me to explain. I clarified that the next five years were going to be amazing for all of us. We met at a time where all of us are thinking forward--what to do after we graduate? where do we go from here? how do I glorify the Lord after I leave this bubble of security that is my university? where does the lord want me now?

Clearwater is going to get jobs and get married. A few might head overseas (one is all ready there--Hi Travis!) and others might do something else. But some version of The American Dream is ahead for them all. Lebanon is giong to scatter like seeds in the wind. All over the US, the Middle East, South America, beyond--who knows? Although I will cherish the time that I will get to sit and worship with my Wolfpack family and my Clearwater family in Eternity, nothing will compare to the stories that I get to hear from my Lebanon family.

Our last family picture together in the Frankfurt, Germany airport before we began to part ways.

When we met at Black Mountain, Jonathan (our director) told us taht whenever someone asks about Lebanon, the first thing he talks about is the team. We all shook our heads in agreement. This summer changed us for the better. It molded us and shaped us and expanded the Kingdom and His Glory. I will always look back on Beirut with a smile, but whenever that smile appears, it's because I'm thinking about this little family.

goooooddd moorrrnnning RALEIGH!

Whaddup, y'all?


So, please listen to my master plan:

I have begun typing all of the Thanksgiving posts and have been saving them under "Drafts" here so I could take them home and stick on my photos and just hit "Publish Post" each day. Well, I had three ready to go yesterday, but when I got home, I plopped down in front of my TV with my loaded DVR and didn't move until my sister sent me a text saying, "Chaaaaaannggggsss??? ;-)"

So, I pulled back on some acceptable clothing (somewhere between walking in the door and plopping, I had magically put on sweatpants and a tshirt) and ran out the door. Needless to say, I didn't add any pictures and therefore have no pretty thanks to give today. Eh, maybe later.



confession #01: i adore PF Changs. seriously. i could eat it every day and be totally okay with that. my uncle barry goes at least once a week (probably more like two or three times, if we're being honest), so he knows every bartender/waitress/waiter in the restaurant, and therefore they take really good care of us when we arrive.




confession #02: i have loved giving thanks, but it's been taxing. and i have nothing to be taxed. i am looking forward to the giving being over so i can just write about whatever i want. which i think this is why i am so okay with breaking the thanks and doing this crazy post--i need relief.



confession #03: i hate cell phones that make sounds when typing. the clicking will never go away, i get that, and i'm okay with that. but when it "ding, ding, ding, dingdingdingdingding, ding" every time you type a text message, i'm probably in the corner seething.




confession #04: a few nights ago, i had a dream that i married russell wilson. like, the nc state quarterback russell wilson. it was set up like a reality show and the topic of the reality show was how russell and i met. we were sitting on the couch like jon and kate used to do, talking about our early days. we met in class this upcoming semester and became study partners. friendship grew into something else and he proposed at his last football game (yes, i did convince him to stay for another year). we were married that following spring. at the time of the show, we were living in colorado since he got signed by the rockies and had about like 12 kids.

when i told my sister about this dream her first question was: "what color were your kids?" my answer: we had a little bit of every color--some of our biological kids looked like me, others looked like him, and then we adopted as well. we were a fascinating little hodge-podge.

her second question was: "how did the family react to the fact that he was black?"

totally relevant question. my answer: nina and papa have always said that it was okay for us to date other races as long as it was love and not just some ridiculousness--i gave them a chance to practice what they preach. granny and granddaddy have never really said anything, but i can kind of guess what they would think. but, since he was russell wilson, star quarterback for the wolfpack, it made it a lot easier for them to accept him. daddy was just starstruck the whole time and i don't even think he noticed russell was black. but yeah, there's a lot of other small details but that's all i'll divulge for now.




confession #05: adults on facebook bother me. seriously. facebook originated as a college world. yes, there are curse words. yes, there are inappropriate pictures and jokes that you may find crude. but hey, you lived it once too. or at least, i hope you did. anyhow, i have gotten messages from adults asking me to delete a comment from my wall because a friend of mine cursed. the reason they wanted me to delete it is because she wanted to allow her EIGHT YEAR OLD DAUGHTER to surf facebook and look at pictures and the bumper stickers that were popular back then. seriously???

i have gotten a number of comments/messages over the past few days about the fact that i said "go to hell carolina" in my status regarding the ball game.

confession #05b: i didn't write the nc state fight song. i just sing it.

i love my wolfpack. and i hate the tarholes. hate, hate, hate, hate. it's a strong word but i'm using it. so sometimes i need to sing my fight song to get out some frustration. or sometimes, to exude some joy. i didn't write the fight song, i just sing it.

but getting back to confession #05, i am totally fine with some people being on facebook to watch out for their kids or other loved ones. there are some craaaayy-zeee people online and they need some monitoring. when a twleve year old girl puts bikini pictures on facebook with captions like 'aren't i hott?', someone needs to let her mama know! but beyond that, it makes my blood boil.



confession #06:

you're = you are. your = possession.

their = possession. they're = they are. there = location.

were = plural form of was. we're = we are. where = location.

two = a number. too = also. to = preposition or infinitive.

sweet. i'm so glad we got that cleared up.


confession #07: i don't have a best friend, and it makes me sad. i have plenty of friends, but i don't have a girl that i'm paired off with to do everything with. i don't have someone that i call every day after school to tell about my adventures or someone that i call in order to have a shopping buddy. i have a list of people that i call for either detail and more, but sometimes, i just wish that i had someone that in thirty years can sit with me on the front porch and reminence. i love my life, but this is one of the small details that i wish i could change.


confession #08: you want to know what the title of this blog reminds me of? one day during lifeline in clearwater, rachel atwood, our fabulous emcee, stood up and said "gooooooodd morrrrrning vietnaaaaamm!" pretty much every situation of my life will either take the little video camera in my brain to a memory of clearwater, lebanon, my girls, or an episode of friends. if i ever just start smiling for no reason, ask me where my brain is at. it could be a rather interesting story.



confession #09: i heard an interesting take on gay marriage the other day. i think it was from a tv show, but nonetheless i found it interesting. "if marriage is so sacred, then why is divorce legal?" my ideas on gay marriage and divorce are not topics to be discussed here. truth be told, i don't answer any questions on the first and my opinions on the second are archaic--we'll leave it at that. but that quote just might be something to think about.


confession #10: one day, i will be published.

ta-ta darlings.
at 2:19, i will be in my car steering to wendell for thanksgiving break.
if you're awake too early on black friday or saturday, come see me at bn. i'm opening.

drop it all and follow Him.

ooookay. after days of some depressing blogs, it's time for me to be happy again.
i love Jesus. i do. i love how He has everything all planned out for our good and how just simply awesome He is.

allow me to show you the awesomeness of today.
i woke up in the same "blah" attitude that i've had for a few days now. never fun.
through some miscommunication i didn't go to my first class today (surprise, surprise) and slept in a few extra hours. woke up eventually and showered and headed to my 1:30. this class is probably on the bottom of my priorities list, and i just don't like it. i go because he takes attendance. that's it. but moving on...

we got out of my literacy class a few minutes early, so i went ahead over to talley to meet with michelle edwards. on the way, i ran into two rather fabulous friends of mine: caleb durham and another guy. after i got my hugs, caleb told me that he had found my blog and almost cried a bit for me when he read my rather depressing recent entries. my other friend then spoke up and mentioned that he had some books and resources that might help me on my adventures to lebanon this summer. those boys were so kind and encouraging and they absolutely brightened my day times a billion. eventually caleb had to run to class but my other friend and i kept talking about Jesus and just how amazing He is. his words and reassurances meant so much to me and helped me refocus that none of this is about me and God is so much bigger than I am and that He's in control and not me.

i then went to discipleship with michelle edwards and we got some talley ice cream (aka the world's BEST ice cream) and then went and sat on a bench in the sunshine. i went through some of my stresses recently and after she let me get it out of my system, she then gave me the task of "listing things i could thank God for today." she mentioned that she knew that i always tried to praise God, but thanking Him and praising Him can easily become two different things. i began to say a few things, but had to really really think about the last few. it honestly took me about 10 minutes to come up with 5 or 6 things. that is so ridiculous! i have an amazing life. an absolutely amazing one. i have the freedom to go on ridiculous adventures; i am getting a wonderful education at an amazing university; i am the very very proud aunt of one of the world's most beautiful baby girls; i have 26 of the world's most beautiful, compassionate, and kind bible study girls; i am involved in a beautiful bible study myself with a wonderful support group; my brother and sister love me more than i can understand, and i them; my parents both love Jesus and so does the rest of my family; my Project family is the best group of people that i know. it should NOT take me 10 minutes to think of things to thank my Jesus for. that activity kind of brought me back to reality about what my life actually is about than the sob story that i have been making it recently.

i soon left and came back to my apartment to find my wonderful roommates thoroughly cleaning our kitchen. my heart was all aflutter to see them doing this small act of kindness and service so that i could just concentrate on school (and blog posting) tonight. the smallest things mean so much to me.
i then got on my computer and found an email from one of the staff people from lebanon. this email contained the names and emails of the rest of my project for this summer. i spent the next hour facebook stalking them and it was such a relief to my heart. all of the things that i have been praying for were true (these were later confirmed by my project director, but more on that later).
1. there will only be 8-10 students on the trip (the EXACT numbers i've been praying for)
2. currently, there are 4 girls coming, and there was never any mention of another girl applying (i have been praying for an even number of girls...the number 4 has come up once or twice in my prayers as well :)!!)
3. there's more than 3 guys coming--currently there's 4, but that number might grow to 5. (i've been praying for an even number of guys and girls or more guys than girls)
4. we're all juniors and seniors (due to maturity levels and current walks with Jesus i knew this would be best).
God is so good and I was so blessed to find that His ideas match mine.

i also had a wonderful and encouraging conversation with my andrea. she's one of my new girls and has been a blessing to my heart from the minute i saw her. i just love knowing that even though i've only known her a few weeks, she's already comfortable with me and i can already see the Lord working in our lives together.

about thirty minutes later, a knock comes from my front door (people...don't knock. just walk in. no one knocks at my house and it kinda freaks me out when someone does). it was a wonderful friend of mine that informed me that she had been praying for my adventures and that she had some support she wanted to give. she had told me recently that she had some financial stuff coming up and i was really only expecting a few dollars from her. oh man! she shot that theory down!!! with her donation and my other letters today, i received $220 today which puts me over $800 and very very close to my support goal of $1000 by Friday!!

about thirty minutes after my dear friend left, my project director called me and we talked for almost an hour. i got alot of questions cleared up and i just got to know her better. my philosophy on life (especially after Clearwater) is vulnerability is best; honesty is great. if you don't speak up, nothing changes. no one grows and no one benefits. am i honest all the time and do i let the world know my every thought? no, but i do what i think i should. she also has this policy of honesty and vulnerability and i found a great connection between the two of us which made me so excited for this summer! she was so encouraging and was a great voice of reason in my life that i've been needing for about a week.

when i got off the phone with my project director, i headed over to the Campus Outreach weekly meeting. i had never been to one before, but in order to follow up with a girl who wasn't emailing me back, i decided to go to one. not only did i get to talk to my girl, but i saw a few other old friends (and met new ones!) and was so encouraged by the message!
One of the key passages for the message was Genesis 12:1-4.

1 The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your land, your people, and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.
2 "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great and you will be a blessing. 3 I will bless those who bless you and whoever curses you I will also curse and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." 4 So Abram left, as the LORD had told him; Lot set out with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran.

Okaayyy. Can we please talk about how this is my life?! As I have said many, many times, Lebanon was NOT my idea. It was completely Jesus'. But this is exactly what God has been telling me to do.
"Leave your land (aka Raleigh, America), your people (your Wolfpackers--Lebanon is not NCSU's partnership--your baby girls, your first project family), and your father's household (my family) to go to the land I will show you (He told me Lebanon)."
God didn't tell Abram to "pack up and go to this single place and follow these instructions: a,b,c,d,e,f, so on and so forth." He just said "get up and go." So Abram did. And we all know that's not what i've been doing. i've been complaining, i've been kicking and screaming, i've been unhappy. sure, i've applied. sure, i've been raising support. sure, i haven't withdrawn my application. but we all know my joy has NOT been coming from the Lord and i have not been willing. i am in no way saying that i have completely changed and will be happy all the time about Lebanon now, but God certainly did some smacking upside the head. what i am saying is that i am going to go to sleep with a smile on my face and wake up happy in a few hours for the first time in a while.

and one more joyous thing, just for the road: my next post will more than likely come from CLEARWATER BEACH, FLORIDA and the NORTH SUNRISE RESORT AND HOTEL!!!

sore all over.

last night was jr/sr broomball. also known as awesomeness to the extreme.

while wearing tennis shoes and many, many layers of clothing, the juniors and seniors of our crusade ministry went to cary ice house and played games out on the ice rink: freeze tag, multi-ball soccer (3 at one point, 5 at another), and duck duck goose. i had so much fun playing, but today i woke up and was pretty sure i couldn't move. the feeling reminded me of something like the morning after the encounter new years dance party. it was fun four hours ago, but you're paying for it currently.

i woke up with a HUGE knot on the top of my head where i connected with the hockey goal, two majorly bruised knees and shins and just aches and pains everywhere else. but it was so worth it.

i remember at one point while i was playing goalie for the first round of soccer, i had a mini flashback to Clearwater and our rousing games of Hurricane Football, which is still one of the greatest games ever invented. we would run around in hurricane-like weather and play and rough house. a few people might have had some bumps and bruises and scrapes by the end, but we laughed the whole time. the reverie made me smile.

as i was thinking back to The Summer of My Life, i couldn't help but think forward. Forward to this summer. possibly, a summer in Lebanon. yes all of my exams have been moved (praise GOD!), but i still haven't gotten that wonderful phone call saying that i have been officially accepted. if i do get accepted, i have no idea what is waiting for me on the other end of a 14 hour plane ride. i have no idea what kind of clothes to pack (due to cultural/religious differences), i have no idea where i'll be living or even an idea of who with. i never realized how much i treasured the Clearwater Beach Summer Project Facebook group until now while i'm walking blind into Lebanon. i have no idea what kind of food i'll be eating or what sort of shoes i need to bring. i have no idea who my neighbors (foreign or domestic) will be, or how close the mediterranean is. i have no idea how open or closed the country is, and therefore i have no idea how loudly i'll be able to sing praises from every street corner to my Beautiful Savior.

although i'm walking into this blind, i'm still walking. which for a planner and ocd organizationalist like me, is a serious step of faith. and i know that God has multiplied that faith when i realize how much joy i have walking into those six weeks; albeit they're still hypothetical.

we'll see how it all turns out. for now, i'm going to go pop some more ibuprofen and take a nap :)

yay for my kaitlyn :) :) :)

So today is Wednesday, which means yesterday was Tuesday. Which means at 9:00 yesterday evening about 15 of God's most wonderful girls walked through my front door. We had a wonderful sharing time and went through Chapter 2 of our study book for this semester, "Becoming a Woman of Freedom," by Cynthia Heald. The girls really opened up--we even had three new girls and they even shared! It's always absolutely amazing to watch the body of Christ come together and worship and love one another. It's one of my favorite things about being a Christian, community is.

Well, after we went through Chapter 2 and the girls were filing out, two of my girls hung back, Kari and Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn's been around since Day 1 pretty much and Kari finally started coming last semester. About two weeks ago, I submitted a reference for Kaitlyn for her Summer Project application. Kaitlyn came up to me after Bible Study and said:

"So...I was wondering if you could help me write my Support Letters?"

I started squealing out of sheer joy! One of my Baby Girls is taking a leap of faith and allowing God to completely rock her world! I am so excited to watch her and see where God is going with this adventure.

If y'all could be praying for Kaitlyn as she embarks on this faith building adventure of a lifetime, I'd greatly appreciate it. She's got about $3000 to raise over the next few months before she heads to Ohio for the summer. I know that God is going to challenge her and stretch her and show her His amazing plan for her life. I can't wait to watch as God shows me once again that He loves these girls more than I do.