The last three weeks of school have been tough. My kids are fantastic; they have never been a problem for me. But grading is starting to stack up and I can feel myself getting overwhelmed.
I have barely slept a full night since school returned from Spring Break. When I get too out-of-whack, sleep is the first thing to go.
After (FINALLY!) falling asleep at 1:30 a.m. (my college self just laughed hysterically) on Wednesday night, I woke up quite unhappy on Thursday morning and didn't think I would be able to make it through the day. When I got to school, I saw the STACK of unorganized papers on my desk and I was feeling very paranoid about getting through my week.
As my first period was continuing our film unit, I Google-d "encouraging Bible verses" to try to pep talk my way through the day. I rummaged through my bag for a Sharpie and set a seal of Truth on my arm.
"The name of The Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe." Proverbs 18:10
Whenever my anxiety would spike or my to-do list would cause me to start hyper-ventilating, I would recite this verse in my head. I focused mostly on the "SAFE" part -- in case you couldn't tell from the bolded, capitalized letters. As all Beginning Teachers can attest, my contract with Trojanburg is up at the end of June and there's some question about how I will be paying my bills in a few months. However, Jesus has been more than faithful through my whole teaching process and in this moment, I am safe at Trojanburg. My bills today will be paid. I have a job now. Jesus tells me not to worry about tomorrow, and He is so enjoying teaching me that lesson.
Today, my kids are with me, we are learning and happy, and I am SAFE.
Though we're in two different situations, your last paragraph has been my ever constant struggle with God (but especially in the last two years). I feel like I'm getting better but I'm definitely not perfect. It's a humbling experience to think you have the next few years perfectly figured out only for God to gently say, "No, the things I have planned for you are far greater than you can imagine."
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard NOT to worry about the future, especially with so many things in our daily life telling us to worry. But ultimately God is in control and he's got everything handled. And that's the reassuring part.
Good luck, Jesus has been ever patient working with myself on that lesson as well!